I would join a redwood cult
The kind of stomping bare feet
Chanting to the microbes of a more united world
Sometimes I think I already
Sold my soul, to something beyond my control
Spirit that speaks from tall-tall trees
Through my lips, fingers dance across keys, see’s
Skies of overgrown stars,
But doesn’t always feel the burning urge to make a wish
As they shoot across the sky, because I already have everything
I dreamt about holding when I was sixteen,
Sixteen, and searching for myself like a night owl
Adaptable to the social cues of boys who contoured my neckline
In a distressed blush, who claim honesty only when theatrics suited them
The price of a flesh wound, could keep me rooted here
Far longer than I was meant to be.

I’m a little over halfway through my 31-day poetry challenge. Every day, it seems a new lesson arises from this experience. By now, you may have noticed that some days, the poems are more focused on imagery and place, but one common thread is always the intertwining parts of me. This one is no different. Those who know me more personally know that I’ve experienced some of the darkest sides of relationships. I’ve been in relationships with addicts and abusive men; I struggled for a long time with love. Mostly, as cliche as it sounds, I struggled with loving myself. I say this because even when I found good and kind relationships, I would not stay. It felt like I could not stay because I was chasing after myself among other people, which looked like being uncomfortable in all the wrong ways. It looked like emotional turbulence for the sake of excitement. I’m grateful for every experience I had, even for the people who didn’t believe me after I left. The truth is, none of that matters, and most of it was a structure to my own strength. While there are so many parts to everything I’m saying, one of the most important things I want to share is the shifting pain and beauty of the world. The grief and trauma, the solace and serenity. I find it most in the natural world, forests, graying beaches, and trails. I try to expose everything I write with what brings me back to life to rework and understand myself but also to share these human experiences with you because oftentimes we’re not all that different.